Now is Not the Time

I was supposed to write a blog last week and I didn’t.

I was disappointed in myself and pretty much punished myself for not checking this off a long list of items had for the week that I also didn’t get to finish. I felt pretty guilty about it – even though no one knew about this secret list but me. 

I didn’t write a blog last week because the world is upside down. I didn’t write it because I was interrupted 47 times while trying to write it. I didn’t write it because my mind would not settle on one idea… it raced onto many ideas that could not be composed in one blog. I didn’t write it because when I sat down to write I had to start multiple blogs with all the different ideas and then abandoned each one of them. I didn’t write it because I had to stop and feed my kids. I didn’t write it because I had not slept well, am not in my normal routine, and lost focus. I didn’t write it because I had to let the dog out. Then let the dog in. I didn’t write it because I was hungry. I didn’t write it because I was sleepy. I didn’t write it because I needed to problem solve technology. I didn’t write it because I was mad. Then sad. I didn’t write it because I miss seeing people in person. I didn’t write it because I miss talking through ideas in my office. I didn’t write it because I was not motivated to write. I didn’t write it because now is not the time.

I usually have strategies in place to help myself be productive – even when I lack motivation. Feeling productive has always helped to anchor my days, helps me look back and see what was accomplished and what is left to accomplish. This comes in handy when you are running a business and a house and a life.

Right now, though, what is accomplished looks different. Now is not the time to continue as I always have. Now is the time for something different.

I typically love change, but I don’t love this. I don’t like surviving versus thriving. But here we are. So, as we go further into this moment, this thing we are all experiencing together but separately, I am starting to let go.

I am letting go of the shoulds and coulds and working really hard the ams. 

I am safe.

I am healthy.

I am strong.

I am able to read and think and write and talk.

I am forgiving.

I am enough.

I don’t know what this is here to teach us, but the only way we can learn from it is to let go. Let go of the life we had and be open to the new one that we are building. 

Now is not the time to carry on business as usual. Now is not the time to put our noses to the grindstone. Now is the time for the opposite. Now is the time to find our breath, to be still with it, and to listen.