Don’t Ask

What did you get for Christmas? Did you have a good break?

You may think this is polite chatter for your students as everyone falls back into the routine of school. These are normal questions that we all ask without thinking. We’re excited to see the kids and genuinely interested in how they spent their time. They are the normal questions, right? We just want to hear about their break, create conversations, etc.   

My advice is don’t ask these questions.

You may have had a Pinterest-worthy break with presents and fun parties and Netflix binging in your PJs, but many of our students did not. Many of them may or may not have gotten the item(s) from their wish lists and they may have spent the break in dysfunction. We all have students in our schools who are hungry, tired, and anxious after a regular weekend, much less after an entire break. In fact, I think we all have a story (or ten) about things that happen over the holidays that are not exactly Instagram worthy. 

This time, instead of asking about the break and the items that landed under the tree, think about telling instead. Tell your students how happy you are to see them, tell them something funny that happened to you over break, or tell them about how you handled something with grace.

This change in language is key for two reasons:

1. The conversation does not need to be about the THINGS. Students are well aware of all the things out there that can be bought and are well aware of how they measure up to others. Let’s try to shift this conversation to something more purposeful than the stuff. This is also great practice for critical thinking.
2. A “good” break is relative. Your good is different from my good, and when we phrase it this way, we are implying that this should have happened. The break “should” have been good so tell me all about it…but what if it wasn’t? My former classroom was full of students who were at-risk in many ways. Asking them if they had a good break was likely to open Pandora’s Box or unintentionally have them lie to me with a fake (but polite) answer. 

If telling instead of asking sounds like you are shifting the focus to you instead of the students, you are. If they want to share things with you, they will. You can invite them to follow your lead on sharing a funny story or a difficulty they managed (think growth mindset here). You can probably come up with some conversation starters that get well beyond the basic “What did you get?” and “How was your break?”.

The conversation that follows should be more meaningful, and you can spare your students some slightly awkward exchanges. 

So if your holiday was full of glitter and chestnuts roasting by an open fire, good for you. Chances are your students have a different story to tell. Create an opportunity to listen.

Alice & Hope