Look Me in the Eyes
“Listen with your eyes for feelings.” -Stephen Covey
I have often heard people say that the eyes are the window to the soul. These ocular tools deliver important nonverbal messages and are natural transmitters of emotion. Most educators develop their “teacher look” early in their career. You know, that look that we shoot across the classroom to zap inappropriate behavior without saying a word – a pretty effective tool in many situations. Eyes show joy, sorrow, hurt, anger, and deliver a great amount of information if we take the time to look at them carefully. Creating eye contact is also an important social skill that signals our attention and interest in others. Consciously looking into someone’s eyes is a great way to develop emotional competence and this is a skill that our students need to practice and refine.
Princeton psychologist Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore tells us that it is vital for children to develop nonverbal communication skills – “the ability to communicate with others without words, and the aptitude for reading important facial emotions.” Dr. Moore suggests 5 ways to help children develop the ability “to see eye to eye.”
1. Role Play. Model what appropriate eye contact looks like. Next, model what it looks like when someone does not give eye contact. Discuss how the lack of eye contact makes you feel.
2. Model how to meet someone. Practice these steps: Look them in the eye. Smile and say, “Hi” and use the person’s name.
3. Look at the eyebrows. If looking into someone’s eyes makes a child feel uncomfortable, suggest looking at the eyebrows – right above the nose – as a first step.
4. Challenge children to watch others. Pay attention to what other people do when they meet each other or talk with each other.
5. Provide a “script.” When kids are asked questions by adults, they may feel a little intimidated. Dr. Moore says to practice this formula – “great plus one fact.” Here’s an example: “How is school?” The child can respond, “Great! We are studying _____.”
Once we get our kids to look others in the eyes, we can help them to better comprehend their thoughts and feelings. Understanding and showing empathy are important social and emotional skills that our students need to become college and career ready. Recognizing the feelings that others experience and cultivating the ability to respond appropriately are important life skills that we must nurture in our classrooms. One easy tool for this task is simply looking someone in the eyes and giving the genuine gifts of attention and listening.
When you look someone in the eyes, what do you see? Take a minute to check out this quiz developed to show the emotion conveyed through the eyes. You will notice some interesting nonverbal cues: http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/
“I want someone to look me in the eyes and tell me I am beautiful, not for my face, but for the person that I am.” -unknown
