Building Emotional Muscle

“Well look at it from their perspective.”  How many of us have ever heard or said this before?  We believe that in order to have compassion for other people, we must see the situation from their point of view.  While this is true, it takes more than perspective to have true compassion.  We need to respect and understand another person’s point of view, too.  That can be harder than it looks.  The good news is we can teach children (and ourselves) how to become more compassionate.

Model the behavior we want to see.  Sometimes we forget that we must model how we want our students to act.  If we want our students to speak kindly to others, then we have model it.  If we want our students to be respectful to other cultures, then we must be.  If we want compassionate students, then we must show compassion toward them.

Give children a chance to practice their compassion.   Younger children sometimes make favors for people in nursing homes, take the favors to them, and sing.  Who doesn’t love a group of young people singing to them!  Many schools collect coats for children in need or collect pennies for an agency that helps those in poverty.  The step we can’t forget is making sure our children realize we’re doing this to help others.  The reward is intrinsic, not a prize for the most money raised.

Really listen to children.  We need to look our children in the eye, and hear what they’re telling us.  It’s so easy to give the occasional nod and “hmmmm” while our minds are someplace else.  Children know when we’re just giving them lip service.  Being a true listener means valuing what the other person has to say.  It means putting yourself in her place and making an effort to understand her feelings.   Children who feel valued and understood are much more likely to value others.  When we show our children that everybody matters, our kids notice.

Help children learn to manage negative feelings.  It’s hard to show compassion toward people when you’re angry with them.  Children need to be taught problem solving strategies to help them through these situations.  You can model how you cope with anger.  For example, the toys are all over the floor after you have asked for them to be picked up and put away.  Telling children how that makes you feel is one way to deal with anger.  Talking something through or walking away for a moment can be positive ways of dealing with negative emotions.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion.  The Dalai Lama