Perfectionism

From the desk of Carol C…

If you look up the definition of the word “perfectionism” you will find something that looks like this.  Perfectionism:  “being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards”.  While this definition makes perfectionism sound like something to avoid, perfectionism does have both positive and negative aspects to it.

We would probably all agree that setting high goals and standards and striving to achieve them is a good thing.  Wanting to be better at something is admirable.  After all, most people would never do much of anything if they didn’t set some goals.  So setting the goals and trying to reach them is a good thing.

The negative?  Most of the negative aspects of perfectionism are related to how people react when they make mistakes.  Do they blame themselves?  Do they keep trying and trying to the point of no return?  Do their relationships suffer because of chasing this idea of perfection?  If the answers are “yes” then this type of perfectionism has negative consequences.  Putting pressure on ourselves affects the way we see ourselves.  When we don’t achieve what we expect then we tell ourselves that we are “no good”, “unworthy”, or “useless”.

Perfection in children is not something that we, as teachers, can change.  However, we can help them to turn this trait into a positive one.  What are the traits of students who have an unhealthy definition of perfectionism?

• afraid of attempting something for fear of failure.  These children may be inaccurately described as “lazy”.

• berating themselves when they make a mistake instead of seeing this mistake as a learning opportunity.

• worry excessively about situations that could possibly happen but have a high chance of never occurring.

• overly sensitive to criticism.

• stake who they are in the world on how well they achieve each goal.

If these are some of the traits of perfectionism, what can we do to help our students?

1. Accept that it is our job to help these students channel their perfectionism into positive ways to set goals and deal with mistakes or failures.
2. Help students to focus less on the mistakes and more on the solutions.  “Okay, you’re having a hard time writing that paper.  I see you’re erasing every other sentence.  What other strategy can you try?”  If they cannot come up with another strategy, suggest one.  “Why don’t you try writing the whole paragraph/paper and then go back over it.  You’ll be able to see what you think needs changing more clearly.”
3. Keep children from spending too much time on any one task.  They have given it their best, so move on.
4. Don’t focus on the mistakes.  Instead, focus on the ways to avoid or lessen the mistakes next time.  “What can you do differently next time to create a better outcome?”
5. Use a mantra in your classroom that addresses the idea that mistakes do not mean failures; they mean another opportunity to learn.  You can find lots of good quotes about success and making mistakes if you wish to use one of those.
6. Emphasize hard work or the process rather than a good grade or a correct answer.  If we know our students have worked hard on a task but didn’t meet the goal they set, then we need to focus on the hard work we saw or the correct process they used to complete the work.
7. Help students sort out what needs to be done when they have multiple tasks to do.  Have them focus on one task at a time.  This way they can feel successful as they complete one task at a time.
8. Stress to children that there are times when they need to accept “good enough”.  Quality of the work rather than perfection of the work needs to be emphasized.

Learning to manage perfectionism in a positive way is not something that you can help students overcome in a short period of time.  Research shows that these students spend a lifetime figuring out how to keep from setting unrealistic goals and then feeling no self-worth when they cannot meet their expectations.  What we, as teachers, can do is to help these students set realistic goals and face them one at a time.   We want to help them see that they can explore all the world has to offer; one that allows them to set high goals that are realistic, work to achieve them, accept failure, and to find solutions when they fall short.  We want our students to see that their self-worth is tied to accepting the challenge and not on achieving it…perfectly.